Two Weeks Eliminates One Year Of Healing

It took me over a year of extremely hard work to actual start to feel a life where I was somewhat "normal". Over a year of extremely hard antibiotics, oral but mostly through IVs several times a day, every day. It only took 2 weeks of back sliding, of the wrong kind of orals, no PICC, something to put me right back to where I was a year and a half ago. 

Granted I started to get worse back in Decemeber right before Christmas. But these last two weeks I've started with the problems walking... And it seems like everything got extremely worse, extremely fast. I haven't driven in a couple weeks because I'm just too exhausted. I don't want to cook anymore, I can't bring myself to sew... I don't like this.

I don't want the rest of my life to be like this... What if it is? What if it's this constant back and forth; fighting so hard for so long, only to have a couple months of happiness then to be thrown back down in the sand to start the year long process all over again... I just want to have a normal, happy life. 

One of my biggest fears is that Lyme has ruined my whole life. It had already ruined completely a couple years, messed up majority of college and high school...but the fear is that it has completely ruined my whole future and my ability to be a normal person.