Be Careful Who You Talk To

A man entered my support group and tried to tell everyone that Lyme is cured by a horse dewormer. If anyone tells you this please know it is potientally life threatening. He does not have Lyme himself but says he can prove that it cures it. This man suffers from Morgellons. Please read the following information: The main purported symptom of Morgellons is "a fixed belief" that fibers are embedded in or extruding from the skin.  Many dermatologists treat Morgellons as delusional parasitosis. After a thorough medical examination to rule out known organic causes for the symptoms, delusional parasitosis patients are typically prescribed one of several typical antipsychotic drugs. Self-Treatment: Persons with Morgellons symptoms may turn to alternative remedies described on web sites and discussion groups. Some treatments are dangerous, however, and have included the use of bleach, veterinary medicines intended for deworming horses, and industrial insecticides.

Please be careful of who you speak to on the Internet and their suggestions.

Lost

For the first time in my Lyme fight I feel like I'm losing. The last two weeks have been worse than ever. 

Two weeks ago my blood work came back with liver function problems. The last week... I don't know what exactly is going on but it's not good. I've been in a constant sleepy state... I don't remember much of the day it mostly seems like dreams to me. I have problems falling asleep, but when I do, I can't wake up.  One night moms pump was going off and I wanted to get up to check on her. I was conscious of her pump, and knew I needed to check, but I could not gets self to wake up. Trying to sit up in bed, I'd instantly fall down back to sleep. I've tried standing up too, that ends with me falling back in bed. It's like I'm trapped in sleep and I can't escape it no matter how hard I try. It's been scary.

Along with the sleep I've been having devastatingly horrific nightmares. I've had vivid, violent ones before, but nothing like this. My therapist says its my body trying to tell me something. My therapist also says that my soul/my spirit is dwindling, and is dying. I told him how I really enjoy sewing but when I get ready to do it, I don't want to. He says its my spirit and self giving up.

This is the first time I've ever felt like I'm losing, like I have no strength. And for the first time ever, I am very very scared. My mind is messing up, I thought for a fact something had happened when it never did.

I have this absolutely dreadful feeling that if I don't take a break from medications something bad is going to happen.

I don't want to be weak, I want to keep fighting, I don't want to give up, but right now I feel I have to.

Monday I contacted my LLMD because of these symptoms getting out of control. They told me to stop all medications until my phone appointment with my doctor tomorrow at one. I'm prepared to ask for a break from the meds. I feel if I continue them at this point it's going to get much worse instead of actually helping. I have a lot of stuff coming up, the Lymie BBQ, Saby coming into town, going to PAX with Josie and getting to see Tommy, and I don't want to miss any of this stuff, or be too worn out to do anything. I can't miss any of this stuff, I won't let myself.

I really don't like this feeling because I feel very much like I've lost. I feel like I'm failing myself and my family because I've lost my strength. I feel so drained, exhausted, sad, and useless. I don't wanna give up.