Personal Battle

This week has been very difficult for me. Earlier this week I went to see my doctor about a crunching noise I've had in my back for as long as I could remember. It isn't popping, it's literally at least 10-15 crunch sounds whenever I straighten my upper back and neck. Expecting only that my posture is bad, and an easy fix I was kind of blown away when the doctor told me I have a minor case of scoliosis. She said instead of my spine being curved, it is twisted at the base of my skull and upper back.

This is a difficult thing for me to swallow.  Especially all the research I did asking other lyme patients and though research papers, that this might actually be Lyme disease twisting and disfiguring my back.

This stress was packed on pretty high with my mom and I. Then yesterday my mom and I let something two incredibly ignorant and insignificant people put us over the edge. Being as upset as we were about the previous days diagnosis of a corkscrewed spine, a simple comment from these lying, trashy, selfish people, one who we have known forever as nothing other than a scamming attention seeker, really upset us both. The stress the situation put on me triggered a migraine worse than I've had in years. The last time I had a migraine of this magnitude, I ended up in the ER 6 years ago. Then I started vomiting. Non-stop, violent for 7 hours straight, until I could finally fall asleep. This morning at 6 am, I was in so much pain I could barely walked. My knees wouldn't move, my hips were frozen, and the pain throughout my body was insane. Luckily, after falling asleep again, I woke up in my normal range on the pain scale, but still am currently a bit nauseous. 

But I've learned a lesson. The reason people like myself get so upset by simple reasons is because we still grasp to care about these people. Even after everything the person who triggered all this stress has put me, and their family, in over the years, all the pain and hurt this person has caused, a couple months ago when this person called me with relationship trouble and needing someone to talk to I did not hesitate to offer this person any possible help I could give them. I am a compassionate person, as is my mom. We bend over backwards for people who never show gratitude, or even an equal amount of love. Lesson learned; those who aren't worth it, we need to accept they aren't worth it. These people will never care, they aren't heartfelt people, and they have very little to no compassion for anyone. Instead of striving to get people to love me who don't, this energy needs to focus on the people who do love me!

Last night I was in so much pain, I actually wished I wouldn't wake up. I truly actually hoped... But today I realize if I would have passed, it would have only been a mistake. I love the people who are there for me, and I couldn't possibly, now, care any less about the people who don't.